Friday, October 18, 2013

I've got this under control... NOT!

At least that's what I thought.

Tuesday was the girls 1m check up. I scheduled it for 10am. Perfect time so that Ava could be awake, fed and ready to go and early enough that she could nap after. Ava isn't on any strict schedules for her naps, but I generally try to lay her down around 12/12:30p.

Lola woke me up Tuesday around 5:30a after a good 4 hour stretch of sleep. I fed her and cleaned her up. Just as I was finishing, Hubs woke up and came in to help. He got Mila situated while I showered. I think I almost fell asleep standing up. It was a really chilly morning so standing in the hot steamy shower was like a sleep aide. When I finished I immediately woke up because of the cool air in the bathroom. Apparently I didn't shut the door all the way so I was instantly at attention!
I told Hubs not to get the girls dressed. I would just do it after their next feeding to make sure they didn't spit up on their clothes. I was feeling ambitious getting out of the house at 9:30a for the appt at 10a. He left for work at 8am. I got Beebs up since she was still sleeping. She LOVES going to Doctor's Appointments, so once I told her that was our plan for the day she was gung ho to get ready. She was dressed and cleaned up in a few minutes. We went downstairs and it was time to feed & dress the girls. I started with Lola again. Ava said she was ready to eat and since my stepdad was still home he made her breakfast. After Lola ate I started on Mila. I finished about 9am. I REALLY needed to pump, but I just didn't think I could fit in a 10min session and leave the house by 9:30a, so I had to skip it. Beebs helped me get everything ready and I snuck some grapes in her bag for a treat at the Doc office in case she got a little cray.

The girls were ridiculous easy. I got them loaded and we were out the door at 9:31a. I didn't count it as 100% victory bc I didn't pump before we left, but I'll take it! We got to the appt early and it went pretty smooth. I've mastered declothing the girls relatively fast. Ava was really well behaved and I didn't have to say much to her about not doing something. We got into the tiny office room that was mostly occupied by my long double stroller... which btw, I will take with me EVERYWHERE. I just wish it had more space underneath for the diaper bag instead of shoving it in a space it doesn't really fit. Dr. C came in and surprisingly the appt went quickly despite having two babies. Her & I worked as a team. Hubs was planning on coming, but I told him I wanted to fly solo on this just to see if I can handle it and "learn" for future trips I need to make without him. We talked about the babies and any concerns I had. All that bothered me was that Lola makes this "clicking" type of quiver noise a lot... whether she's awake, sleeping or eating. I recorded it on my phone bc of course she wasn't doing it while we were there. Dr. C said it sound more nasally, like a flap was being pushed around by mucous. I just have to give her some saline to open her passages and see if that helps. We also noticed Lola has a pretty major flat spot towards her left side. Dr. C WAS concerned about it. She said it was very severe and we needed to start little exercises & things to get her off that side. She said if it continues, it could cause permanent cosmetic issues to that side of her head/face. WOW. I feel like I'm at blame for that. I've been doing those exercises a little already bc I recognized the signs from Ava. I guess I'm not doing enough :( She didn't make it seem like a dire situation, but her talk and tone about Lola's flat spot compared to Mila's were night & day. Lola also has a hernia in her belly button. I guess all babies have a "hole" there, but by 1m they are usually healed up. Lola's is still present, but the doc said it was small and probably closing. If by their 2m appt its still open, she would need surgery to close it. WTH... After rereading this paragraph it seems like Lola's got a lot going on! Good thing is, everything can be fixed, quickly!

My only concern about Mila is that she's not a great burper. I sometimes try for 5mins, 2 positions repeatedly and no luck and when I give up and put her down she spits up like old faithful. She showed me a new position to try across my thighs and said she probably just isn't a burper and its common, but we'll have to keep her upright longer post feeds to help reduce the spit up.

So, despite some things to work on.. the girls both look great and 100% healthy! They got their 2nd dose of the Hepatitis Vaccine and although they both lost it for a few seconds, they recovered well. Here are their stats:

Lola- had a slow gain, but she is really chunking up!!
  • Birth: 5lbs 5oz, 19in
  • 5days: 5lbs even, 18in
  • 13days: 5lbs 3oz,
  • 1month: 7lbs 10oz, 20 1/2in
Mila
  • Birth: 6lbs 2oz, 19 1/2in
  • 5days: 5lbs 10oz, 19 1/4in
  • 13days: 6lbs 6oz
  • 1month: 8lbs 13oz, 21 1/4in
There is still just a pound difference! Although their stats for a typical "1 month" old, might be a little low, its pretty impressive for being 4 weeks early. They would only be compared to the preemies if they would have been born 5 weeks early or more.

So after the appointment wrapped up, I was feeling like super mom. The girls still had about an hour before they needed to eat and were fast asleep once I got them back in their car seats. Since we were in the area we stopped by my Mom's work. She was happy about the surprise and all her co-workers loved seeing Beebs & the Tweebs. It was an exhausting 20mins. Once we got in the car I figured I had about 30mins to get home before they needed to feed. A part of me thought about feeding one or both in the parking lot before pulling out, but I knew Ava was getting hungry and I doubt she would be thrilled about doing nothing for 30mins.

We drove out just in time for rush hour lunch traffic. I decided to stop at Burger King since it was a little away from the hustle & bustle and on the way back to my mom's house. Ava immediately knew we were getting food and started asking for fries. I gave her a couple and called my Aunt Mary. Since today is Hubs & my anniversary I wanted to see if she could watch the girls. So while driving, I was talking to Mary (using hands free of course) confirming plans and Ava is the background yelling "MOM- more fries please" continuously until I bend my arm backward to give her more. Then the squeaks start from the girls. No big deal I thought, we're almost home. After talking to Mary I wanted to call Hubs quick since I knew I'd be in a rush once we got home. I gave him the cliff notes version of the appointment and hurried him off the phone bc the girls started fussing.

The minute we pulled up to my mom's they both stopped... AWESOME!

Well that didn't last long. I take one baby out of the car, then unstrap Ava and walk around, put one baby in the passenger seat while Ava disappears into the garage to play while I get everything together. I pull the other baby out, grab the diaper bag and then get the other baby. I take them in the house and put their car seats up on the island. This may or may not be considered a good idea? My mom has a harmless black lab, but I needed to run out and get the food so I didn't want to leave them on the floor. I was probably gone 5.3seconds. When I open the door... the twins are going berserk. I kick my flats off and get Ava in her highchair and her food together as fast as I can. Then I decide I should probably feed Mila first since she's the fast eater. I keep Lola in her car seat and set it on the couch. Luckily the bottles were ready. Lola was not having it. I start rocking her car seat with my knee- no bueno. The pacifier wasn't working either. She was seriously losing it. I had her bottle handy also, so I laid Mila on my legs, facing me with her head on the boppy. I'm feeding her with my right hand and start feeding Lola with my left. Instant happiness.

My arms are starting to get a little tired, but I push through. Lola starts playing with her bottle so I take it out and set it on the couch and clean her up. This makes me unknowingly move bottle out of Mila's reach. So she starts going nuts. I reinsert for her and then Lola starts. She's pushing the bottle out with her tongue. No way she wants to burp already?!!? So, I stop feeding Mila- try to get a burp from her. Nope. So I just lay her down so I can get Lola out of the car seat. Mila is now losing her mind. I burp Lola & remember I have a 3rd child and turn around to check on Ava. She's lost in Elmo world eating her lunch, thank goodness. I put Lola back in the car seat and try feeding them both again. Its like they realize my attention is split between the two and they are not happy. Lola is arching her back and since she's not strapped in she has slouched all the way down in the seat. No way that can be comfortable let alone while trying to eat. So again I stop. I put Mila in her rock and play and decide to hold Lola. Mila realizes she's not being held so she starts losing it again. I switch them... Lola in the RnP and Mila on the ground supported by the boppy. Neither one of them are really latching on to the bottle. What gives? I'm starting to get REALLY HOT.

I rock Lola in the RNP while I feed Mila. I realize she probably needs to burp so as I pull her up from the boppy she burps on her own... YAY, but NOT... out with it comes warm milk over my shirt. I realize I can't do this alone. I text hubs "I need you to come home early", he texts back if everything is ok. Somehow I manage to text back, I need help. He responds he has one meeting to wrap up and then he'll be home. I sink a little inside. That means it could be an hour or longer. So I take a deep breath and realize I HAVE to do this on my own and that I can do it... I just need to figure out how.

By now, Beebs is yelling "all done" and she wants out of the high chair. I'm trying to find a moment between a baby scream and a generic feeding to get her down. She's picking her nose and getting louder. So I stop the feed and get up. Her face is covered with ketchup. I wet a paper towel and I look back at her and she is being all weird. Looking side to side but not moving her head. I notice the right side of her nose looks swollen. I look inside and see what appears to be a larger booger? That's weird, why would it make her nose swollen. I get out the nose bulb and start suctioning it out and slowly it's making it way down. Each suction makes Ava giggle extremely creepy. Then I realize... holy crap this is big. I finally get it to the surface and I realize it is no longer a booger, instead its a soggy burger king French fry with specks of ketchup and/or blood mixed in. I scold Ava about putting things, even her finger, inside her nose. She's smart, but does she even know what I'm saying?! I snap out of my trance on Ava to realize the babies are both still crying.

I look at the clock... it feels like its only been 10mins since we got home. I snap a pic of the French fry and send it to hubs so he can see how crazy my day really is. I go back to the babies and finish their feeds. They are still protesting something, possibly me, and crying non stop. I'm trying to console them together, not working, separately, not working either. So I tuck them in their PNP and I realize I smell poop. I unwrap Lola & she is the owner of the stench. Awesome, onesie blow out. I'm seriously about 30seconds from tears. Ava luckily is playing, but both babies are not happy. I strip her off and wipe her down, balling the onesie up and dropping it on the ground. I get her resituated and back in the PNP. I look at the clock again, ok, its time for Ava's nap. I take her up, give her extra hugs and kisses and for a moment I dread going back down to the screaming, but I have to. I take a deep breath and shut Ava's door behind me.

As soon as I get downstairs I notice something odd... silence. What in the what!? I don't believe it. Both girls are passed out. They look as though they have been sleeping for hours. I just stand over them in disbelief. How??? I quickly tell myself to stop thinking and be happy. I round up the dirty onesie, the wet burp rags and some other items and start a load of laundry. I keep looking at them... perhaps I imagined the whole thing? How did they just stop? They are there, breathing softly, eyes closed, so peaceful. I wash the dishes, but the car seats away, clean up Ava's highchair, discard the burger king bag and empty contents, put Ava & my shoes away and clean up the few toys Ava had out. I sit at the kitchen table... still in awe that this rough moment just ceases on its own. I'm sitting at the table when Hubs walks in... I immediately think I should have left the mess so he would see how crazy it was and then I feel guilty for not calling him back and cancelling the S.O.S. But I realize I feel emotionally and physically drained. He hugged me hard and asked what happened. I gave him the cliff notes version and told him what time Ava went down for a nap, that I needed to pump and needed a nap. He said Ok and smiled :) I wanted to smile back, but I felt so defeated. I told him Thanks and headed upstairs for a much needed 3 hour nap


Monday, October 14, 2013

I miss my Husband! *pic*

The girls were a month old on Saturday!!!

It kinda just hit me that Hubs and I have been sleeping in separate rooms for 3 weeks now. I moved to the guest room on the first Sunday before he went back to work. Even on the weekends we sleep alone because he keeps the girls with him so I can get uninterrupted sleep. We always hug, kiss and snuggle before heading off to our own quarters, but I'm starting to feel weird about it. I definitely don't want to shack back up just yet, but at the same time I miss laying next to him every night. Its actually probably been more than 3 weeks bc I just couldn't get comfortable the last few weeks of my pregnancy so I always ended up in the other room bc it was a lot cooler in there. I'm lucky he doesn't work super long hours, but he leaves fairly early and gets home after 5pm. By the time we do the family of 5 thing, get Ava to bed and have down time before the next feeding, it feels like our "alone time" is more like an "alone minute" which usually entails me hurrying through a 10min pump session, or him washing bottles before we sit down to watch football, walking dead or sleepy hollow! Maybe I'm just feeling a little sentimental because Weds Oct 16th is our 3 year Wedding Anniversary? I can't believe its been 3 years already married and 8 years together total! It only took me 2 years of stalking for him to realize he needed to be with me also lol

We spent our 1 Year Anniversary at the Double Tree where we had our reception. My friend Deanna hooked us up with a Penthouse. I was VERY pregnant at the time so they had Champagne for Hubs, Sparkling Wine for me, and a dessert plate all set up for us. We went out for a really nice dinner and came back to the Penthouse and enjoyed ourselves watching the Ohio State game and snuggling up. It was by far the perfect night for us! I don't even think we got to get it on... being big and pregnant wasn't going to stop me from getting my groove on, but the fact that I was stuffed from a delicious dinner & swollen probably sent me straight to food coma for the night

Our 2nd Year Anniversary I got to plan. We decided we would switch the plans every year... one year I plan, the next year he plans! So I planned a little weekend getaway to Horseshoe Bay Resort outside of Austin. Its a beautiful golf resort. I'm not much of a golfer (yet) but I setup a round of 18holes for us on the first day and then a spa day the next morning. We had such a great time golfing, its so beautiful out there. I even got some really great pics of Marc teeing off with two deer literally 5ft behind him. Unfortunately Hubs was on the verge of getting sick so despite me putting out an SOS to FB Land asking for help to get him better for our trip... he didn't make it 15mins into dinner. We had to box up his food, which ironically was the most amazing steak I had ever eaten and he couldn't even taste it. The poor guy had chills & a fever. We brought him some meds but that didn't work. So back to the hotel room we went... He passed out under the covers and I was left up & alone, drinking one of the two bottles of Champagne by myself! Thankfully his fever broke by morning and he was feeling 100x better so we were able to cash in on the Spa Day! AND... we didn't get it on this anniversary either... I had to have another d+c to try and remove the final pieces of Placenta left behind (placenta accrete with Ava's pregnancy) which, yes was almost a YEAR after her birth. So I had the procedure a few days before and was on Pelvic Rest.

So here we are... Weds is our 3rd Year Anniversary and Hubs turn to plan. I'm not going to lie. With everything we've gone through the past 6months he might of forgotten that he has to setup the show. I have faith in him, but its been a hectic month with the twins birth, his new position (he got a promotion and started the end of Sept!) & potentially moving into a new house at the end of this month, it might have gotten put behind the eight ball. I don't want or need elaborate Anniversary gifts, I just need a night alone with my husband, celebrating our love & life! So I might as well wrap up this "anniversary" paragraph with sex also... It looks like Wedding Anniversary #3 will also be a no Sexiversary as well... I won't be 6 weeks post partum until NEXT Thursday, but my appt is that Weds. So we can't... and so we wait...

I might forgo uninterrupted sleep one night this weekend in order to snuggle up next to him in bed. Ummmm... well... maybe... we'll see how I feel come Friday :) 

On our wedding day, 3years ago! 

Friday, October 11, 2013

I should probably be sleeping...

So here I am... 11:30pm Friday night, in the guest room, rubbing my legs together. I switched out my razor blade today on my Schick Quatro and my legs are ridiculously silkly, soft and feel "cool". So I'm over here being all weird rubbing my shins against one another. wth is wrong with me?

Anyways, I am alone! I should be happy, but the guilt is setting in. Its Friday so that means tonight and tomorrow night is Hubs Baby Duty Time. I'm sure once I power down the laptop and turn off the table lamp I'll pass out till morning like last time, but I can't help but feel I should be in there with him. They are relatively easy at night.. its just a long process. I know I shouldn't feel bad and should just embrace the fact that I have a very hands on Hubs who will do what he can (even if I'm too tired to realize it) to make my life a little easier.

Even though we have Baby #2 & #3 Syndrome going on over here I still get the nervous thoughts about what if something happens to them while they sleep?! They still sleep in their rock n plays so they are elevated, snug and cozy, but I feel like a mother's intuition never sleeps. I wake up to the tiniest squeals and non normal noises that the average person probably wouldn't hear. Not to mention I'm deaf in my left ear, yet I still manage to hear the quietest of the quiet. Of course Hubs is pretty on point, but his reaction time is usually a few seconds behind my stealthness. It brings me to a memory I have of Ava... I can't remember how old she was, but she was in her own room so she was at least 12 weeks old. Her room was on the 2nd floor and ours was on the 1st floor of a 2,800 square foot home. It literally took 61 walking steps to get to her room.

Hubs & I were asleep when I heard the alarm... it took me a half second to realize it wasn't the secuirty alarm for the home, but actually her Angel Care Monitor. I took off for her room in a dead sprint. Leaping up the steps, probably skipping 3 at a time. I get into her room and she was fine. We'll never know if she stopped breathing or if she was just sleeping so deep/soundly that the monitor couldn't pick up her movements. The adrenaline had my blood pumping, so I hung out in her room for a few to make sure she was ok. Although I hated that the alarm went off, I was glad it was doing its job. Hubs was in the room shortly after me. I told him she was fine and he went back downstairs. The next morning he said when he heard the alarm he sat up and said "don't worry- I'll go check on Ava" and when he looked towards my direction in the bed I was gone and he could hear horses running up the steps... I let him know, if that alarm EVER goes off again. Don't say a word, just get your ass to that room as soon as possible. Luckily we only had one more "false alarm" after that.

So here I am... my eyes are getting so heavy that this may be my shortest post yet. I know I'm tired and I need to get my ass on the pillow and shut it down. Yet I feel like I should do something. Like take out all of Ava's 18-24m clothes from her drawers and put them in the storage bins and just make sure she has 2T+ in there. This is what I think of at 11:40p at night. I'm thinking of things that need to be organized or maybe I should check on Ava again or put my ear up to the bedroom door where Hubs and Tweebs are sleeping. Ok, maybe not. They will be fine!

Btw... I finally got my milk duct unclogged. That was so painful. Its like a little hard knot in your boob. I massaged it all day even though it brough tears to my eyes. I'm not sure how it really unclogs but I used hot compresses twice and massaged extra forceful when I pumped. I haven't nused that often, but today I had Lola latch onto that side. Since she's pretty aggresive I thought it would help. Shortly after it was significantly smaller and then after my next pump sesh it was completely gone! Amen!!!!!

at 4weeks old... the girls have already had two over night stays at different places and a trip to babies r us. I've loaded them in and out myself with Ava in tow and its not easy, but I think I got the hang of it. My brother and his adorable family of 5 will be in town tomorrow and we're all heading to the Pumpking Patch on Sunday, I can't wait! I do have some good twin stories, just not enough energy to facilitate them into print. Owell... maybe later this weekend, or tomorrow night.

Its 11:45pm, I can't stay up a minute longer... goodnight!

xo

Don't worry... I am alive! :)

The girls turned 4 weeks old yesterday!! They will be 1month on Saturday (tomorrow), wow!

Wednesday, October 9th was my "due date". It's weird to think that if I was just having one baby, I could still be very pregnant! It has been quite the month! We've had some really great times and some really trying times. The great times are great and the trying times are just moments where we need to figure out how to stay awake instead of being walking zombies.

Last week I had my first "realistic" week of being a stay at home to a 23m old toddler and newborn twins, o yeah and an "owner" of a dog (my Mom's lab). At times I try to be an overachiever, by keeping the house picked up, dishes clean and clothes washed. I know everyone tells you to sleep when the babies sleep & let the dishes go, but these girls are so hard to sleep with when they are grunting and squealing non stop. They make the craziest noises so I'm able to doze off during Ava's nap and when the girls are napping, for maybe 30mins.

Here is what my day on Thursday looked like... we'll start at 12am since that is after all when a new day starts! The girls have been sleeping longer stretches at night now, but it wasn't this long a couple weeks ago. I'm still sleeping in the guest bedroom during the week and I take care of the girls alone 100%. Hubs takes them in our room Fri & Sat nights and I still sleep in the other room for uninterrupted sleep.

12a-3am: We're all asleep
3a-4:30am: Feed (formula bottles), change diapers, swaddle, snuggle (5mins each), put back in bed. Lola woke first, so I started with her. Mila woke while feeding Lola so I had to rock her with my foot to keep her from getting all crazy.
4:45am: Cleaned up the bottles, threw away diapers, went potty, checked on Ava and back to bed I go.
7am: Lola woke, so I started the process with her
7:30am: Marc comes in the room after showering/ironing his work clothes. He feeds Mila while I shower
8am: Hubs leaves for work & Ava wakes up (early-UGH!)
8a-8:30am: I pump, dress Ava (diaper/ face wash/ teeth brushed/ hair done)
8:30a-9a: Get Ava a cup of Milk, bring babies downstairs, organize what I'll need for the day, get my Crockpot Meal together for dinner and start it
9a-10:30am: Ava & I eat breakfast, watch Elmo or Mickey together & play
10:30-11:30am- Feed the babies, diaper, snuggle, no swaddle, hold a little, get Ava a snack
11:30a-12pm: I finished my Thank You notes
12p-1p: Ava & I eat lunch, play, wash bottles, realize I have a clogged milk duct (UGH!!! OUCH!!!!!!!!!!)
1-3:30pm: Ava goes down for a nap. I feed the girls again. Hold them, interact with them more, update my blog, change Lola's outfit because she spit up all over the place
3pm-3:30p: I pump and try to massage out the clogged duct, it feels smaller already, but more painful. The girls are still awake so I try to rock them to sleep knowing Ava will be up soon. I wash bottles & pump parts, straighten up the house, check on dinner
3:30-4pm: Ava wakes up, get her a snack, love on her and then ALL THREE of us go for a walk! I wear Lola in my Moby wrap because Ava wants to sit in the stroller. Probably walked half a mile. Holy Shit that hurt! My hips were on fiiiiiiiire
4- 5pm: I get dinner ready. I made crock pot chicken tacos. I get the sides together. My mom comes home from work, we talk and she takes Ava outside
5pm: Jenny comes over for a visit!!!
5:30p: Jenny & I feed the girls. Hubs is home now, he gets Ava dinner and everyone eats while Jenny & I sit in the living room talking, feeding the girls
6:30pm: Jenny leaves, I eat dinner
7-7:30p: I go upstairs to pump, Ava comes with me and messes with all of Brooke's stuff as usual lol
7:30pm: We feed the girls, play with Ava
8-9pm: Ava gets her jammies on, get her a snack & she goes to bed
9-11p: Hubs & I watch football, play with the girls. He gets thrown up on! I organize all the bottles, diapers etc that I will need for the night.
11-11:30p: We feed the girls & get them ready for bed
11:30p-12a: I pump one last time, wash the parts, grab some late night feeding snacks for myself. Give the hubs some goodnight kisses
12am- GOODNIGHT!

I'm sure I missed some things, but you get the point!


Even though the girls take 3-4hour stretches of sleep at night, that's not what I'm getting. I have to organize things, wind down and then go to sleep. So I probably get 2.5-3hours of sleep at night in one stretch. Which is a lot more than a week ago, but still not enough to really be rested. It's rare I get a nap when Hubs gets home. I could easily go up, but by the time I pump and do other things like prepare dinner or just talk to Hubs a bit its like 7pm and I figure pointless.

I'm so thankful for everything that Hubs does to try and help. A lot of times I don't tell him enough what I need and sometimes I feel like he should read my mind. When I'm in that zone I tend to snap at him more because I'm so exhausted and I feel like he should "just know". Poor guy just goes through it with no problems. I know he gets irritated with me for the way I act, but he rarely let it shows. I feel so stressed from the lack of sleep. I have phone calls to make to the insurance companies because they need confirmation of info before handling claims, on top of that and finalizing a place to move, looking into daycares in case I go back to work or at least look into part time options for Ava. That is my biggest priority. Even though we get to spend a lot of time together because the girls still sleep most of the day, that will change in the upcoming weeks/months. She needs more interaction with kids her age. I feel at times I'm chained to the couch feeding, nursing, pumping, cleaning bottles, and checking my Baby Connect App to see when the next round starts.

If we only had one baby, I would probably get Mom of the year lol. Then again, I think you always adjust to the situation you're in. So even if we did just have one baby, I'd still probably be in the same frame of mind with everything! Having two babies and a toddler is proving to be difficult, but we aren't the first nor the last people to be dealt the baby lottery hand, but I know we will do our best!!!