A lot of moms debate on CIO (cry it out). In a nutshell you let your baby cry it out until they fall asleep. Some people think its mean, some people think it is life changing. I think it's life changing. It's not for everyone and obviously every family has to parent in the ways best for them.
We did CIO with Beebs when she was 6m old. At her 6m check up her pedi asked how many times she woke at night. "Twice!" I said proudly, thinking that my nursing baby was doing a great job. Well, she can go 12 hours without waking to eat, breastfed or not. If she is still waking, it is purely out of habit. This was life changing news. She told us about CIO and her recommendation on how to move forward. So that Thursday we decided to start it. Why a Thursday? Hubs & I were both working full time and we figured we start on a Thursday, fully expecting it to be a rough night, that getting through work with zero sleep on a Friday always seemed more appealing, plus we would have the weekend to recover. This proved to be a great idea by yours truly.
We started it 9:30pm. I know that's a late bed time, but when you have a child with no sleep "routine" (we are ROUTINE people, not STRICT schedule people) there isn't really a defining time they go to bed. CIO changed all this. It took Beebs 37mins to fall asleep. I can't remember all the details except it was sometime early May 2012. We didn't have a fancy video monitor so we had to listen to the horrific cries on the monitor. That just makes it worse. So turned it off and watched the "colors" go up and down as her pitch heightened and lowered. We tried the whole, go in at 5mins, soothe, go in 10mins later, soothe and that made it 150x worse. So we just did it cold turkey. Occasionally we would peak in to make sure she was ok. She was swaddled arms out because she could roll back to belly and we needed her arms free. Around 10pm, the cries weaned off. They would stop and start a little, then stop, then whimper... finally at 10:07p not a single peep. Of course this WASN'T a relief bc I needed to make sure she was ok. I nearly woke her up trying to make sure she was still breathing. Hubs & I felt like Champions. I remember late that night/early morning she woke again. We both just sat up in bed, I decided to go sit outside her door and wait for her to CIO and go back to sleep. It took 20mins and she was out. She never woke up until I went in there to get her up for the day Friday. Friday night was easier, Saturday night was even easier and by Sunday night, she didn't even whimper to go to bed and slept 12 hours because each night we moved her bedtime up just a little. We also did this for her naps. To this day at 2yrs (almost 25 months if you wanna be technical) she is an amazing sleeper and napper. Doesn't fight it and will sleep anywhere for a great amount of time.
So here we are... 4 month old twins/19 weeks today. CIO with twins proves to be a little more challenging. They are in their own cribs, but in the same room. They aren't mastering this as quick as Ava, but they are 2m younger and have an extra cry to get used to and sleep through. In one of my previous blogs I wrote about why we're doing it. We are on Day 4 and although its getting better, its still exhausting and they aren't quite there yet. I'm requesting the advice of my other twin mom friends who have had success, because I want to make sure that they are trending the right way and are ready. The last thing I want is for the them to not be ready and we have to start this over another time. The house we're in is rather small, so I can hear them virtually from any room. We have video monitors this time around, so that helps with the peace of mind that they are ok. I wrote down all the details from Monday and listed them below so you can see what we're dealing with. Each day IS getting better, but we still have our struggles.
Day 1: 1/20
10a-12p: No nap, both just cried
12:10- feed both
12:40- down for sleep, tried no swaddle, neither took paci
2:00- both asleep
2:30- Mila wakes, her cries soon was Lola.
2:40- 2hr mark, changed clothes, diapers
3:10- finished bottles, comforted both, nice and snuggly/ both visibily sleepy
3:40- both in bed drowsy, but awake, instantly fall asleep
4:05- Mila wakes, waking Lola
5:25- Both back to sleep within mins of one another
6:05- Mila wakes, waking Lola- 2hr mark hit get them out of bed
6:30- Diapers changed, fed, both downed bottles fast
6:30-8p- played with both, both fell asleep briefly during play
8:00- diapers, pjs, bottles, both pooped, changed diapers again
9:00- bed, Mila out immediately. I could tell Lola spit up, went in and cleaned her up
10:15- Mila wakes, offer paci 2x, won't take it, wakes Lola
10:40- Mila back to sleep
10:50- Lola back to sleep
11:15- Mila woke up and then back to sleep
Day 2 1/21
2:10a- 2:30- Mila & Lola wake, feed, back to sleep
5:20-5:30- Mila & Lola wake, feed, back to sleep
8:00- Both up for day
10:00a- Put down for 1st nap, both crying
10:20-10:45- Mila sleeps
11:45a-12p- Mila sleeps
11:50a- Lola finally sleeps
12:00p- 2hour mark, Mila is up, give her bottle
12:30- Lola up, give her bottle
1:00p- put back down
-----My grandma came over to relieve me so I could take Beebs to play, I forget her info, but it stays consitent, lack of sleeping-----
9pm- Both in bed
Day 3 1/22
12:30a- Mila wakes up, eventually waking Lola- let them cry
1:15a- Lola back to sleep
2:15- Mila still awake, feed her
5:00- Lola wakes!!!!!!!! feed her, back to bed
6:00- Mila wakes, feed her
8:15/8:30- both girls wake, feed, change clothes
10:00- both in bed, both asleep by 10:15
10:45- both wake, Mila falls asleep at 11a
12p- Lola still awake, get her out, feed, snuggle, play
12:15- Mila wakes (over an hour nap!)- feed snuggle, play
1:15- Both asleep
2:00- both wake feed left over bottle, immediately falls asleep again
3:00- both wake, diapers
3:30- Mila refuses bottle
3:45- Lola eats entire bottle
4:15- Both back down
5-5:30- both awake/sleep off/on
5:40- both awake, take out of crib
7:30- pjs, snuggles, diapers, bottles
8:30- Lola bed, immediately asleep
9-10:45- Mila up crying, Lola NEVER wakes- woohoo!!! feed Mila, back to bed
Day 4: 1/23
12:30a- Mila up, reswaddle, back to sleep
1:45a- Lola up, fed back to sleep
3:00- Mila up, fed, back to sleep
5:30- Lola " "
7:00- Mila " "
8:15- Both up, fed, play, change clothes
10:15- Both down, immediately sleep
10:45-11:45- Fussing, although Mila has been sleeping in and out. She is currently sleeping, not so much for Lola...
^^^^^ this bring us to our current time. If Lola is awake at 12p, I'll take her out and start the process all over again. Now that I review it.... it doesn't look like its going that great. Just really slow. They don't fight the crib anymore and we have not brought them into our bed or let them fall asleep in our arms, so thats success in that arena. Even though I have these "two hour spans" of baby free moments I'm still beyond exhausted. Listening to crying babies is tough... really, really tough.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
The last two months...
have been a blur... with the exception of my recent post "perfect mom", its been two months since my last entry. So many times I had an opportunity to blog, but it got cut short. In fact, I have two posts sitting as "drafts" as we speak. I get a topic and I run with it... if I can't finish in one setting while it's fresh then it just sits there, like a box of good n plenty on Halloween.
The girls have been great (minus the sleep of course). They are so alert and active that it makes the groggy days bearable. The smile from ear to ear when they get a glimpse of me and even belly laugh with excitement. I swear they kick their little legs so fast like they are trying to back stroke over to me.
I'm checking my calendar as I write, because I really can't remember whats gone on since their two month appt. For starters, they are now 4 months!!!! They had their 4 month appt this past Friday. Here are their stats:
Lola: 24 1/2 in, 11lbs 3oz, 16in head
Mila: 26in, 14lbs 10oz, 16.75in head
When Ava was 4 months: 25 1/4in, 14lbs, 16.9in head
So really... they are all relatively similar. Of course Lola's weight is still significantly below her sister's, but she is gaining. She's only in the 2nd percentile and I really thought by now the doctor would have intervened, but she said Lola is hovering in the "safe" zone. She is eating and she is steadily gaining, just not a huge push just yet. We've upped the calories in her Formula to 24 so hopefully that will help. She's also not spitting up as much and takes larger bottles.
At her LM follow up with the ENT in Dec he said she looked great and that actually she was improving!!!! Mila also got scoped, but she was fine. She had a very minor case of LM, but not enough that Dr. M thought he should DX her. Mila took the scope like a champ. She didn't even cry. Lola on the other hand threw a fit. Marc made and excellent point. With Mila being so much bigger, her nasal passages looked more spaced out compared to Lola's. Very observant my dear! Ava stayed at my Mom's for this appt. Afterwards we went Christmas shopping and ran some errands. I don't really remember much else except Lola had a weight check and had only gained 1lb in a month... again I thought this was bad news, but she was treading lightly towards the positive side.
We had Christmas in our new place and it was amazing. We went through some really bad times over the summer trying to stay afloat and keep positive thoughts about the risk of premature labor. We spent more money than we should have on the girls and each other, but we looked at it like a celebration that we "made it". We made it through the hardest time of our lives, still loving, happy and as positive as can be. All bad things in life are temporary if you want them to be. We cut down our own tree this year and took Ava with us. There was a ton of snow and Ava loved every minute. Marc and I were cold and exhausted, but the belly laughs coming from Ava were enough to keep us going. Our tree was beyond perfect and so was our First Christmas as a family of 5 :) Damn I have a big family!!!
Marc & I decided to stay in for New Year's. We cooked Steak & Lobster tail for the three of us (Beebs). She loved the steak, not so much the seafood and ate up all the potatoes. The girls slept while we ate. Ava was so excited for dessert until she tasted the cheesecake... it must have been the texture because she spit it out, shoved her plate across the table, hopped out of her booster and screamed "I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!" That girl.... she is something else!
She went to be around 9pm. Marc and I headed down to the "Stroud Haus Basement Bar" and poured a few drinks. We took it pretty easy bc we still had two baby dolls to watch over. The night was going smoothly until 11:30pm and both girl woke up and did not want to go back to sleep. I guess they wanted to be awake for their first new year! After 20mins of trying to get them to go back to sleep we chalked it up as a loss... for the past 9 NYE's we've always toasted champagne at midnight, this night, was just water. We immediately felt guilty Ava wasn't with us so we tip toed into her room with both girls and gave her New Year's smooches while she slept! Finally the girls fell back to sleep and we popped the bubbly. Marc got some "flavored" champagne and it was awful. We didn't even finish it. He got another bottle of the good stuff, but by this time it was so late we called it a night and so it sits, chilling in the mini fridge.
Hubs & I also had our first "child free night" this past weekend. With how exhausted we've been, I thought we deserved a night to rest and relax, just the two of us. My mom watched Beebs & I arranged for the twins to also be split up. My Aunt Mary insisted on taking both, but I assured her I didn't want to do that to her even if she thought she was ready, she watched Mila. Barb is a really good family friend and she has become like family to me. She watched Lola. After the girls 4m appt, I dropped them off at their respective homes for the night and went our house to change. I only told Hubs the night before about the arrangement and to say he was excited was an understatement. We tried to decide what to do.... should we do it big? Dinner, movie, drinks & a late curfew!?!?!? At the last minute... we thought, lets do dinner close to home and play it by ear. We went to a sports bar and sat at the bar. Then the hardest question came up... "what do you want to drink"? Shit... what do we want to drink??? Beer? Wine? hard liquor?!?!? We had the bartender come back two different times, that's annoying as shit, believe me... I know! I decided a Margarita sounded good, so we ordered two... then we remembered why we don't order Margarita's in Ohio... they suck ass. So we finished it, Marc decided on a pop & since they didn't have Dos XX I just went with a Miller Lite draft. Odd, we were no longer in the mood to drink! We went back to our house, immediately put on comfortable clothes and headed to the basement to blare the surround sound while watching a movie. We watched something stupid called "Behind the Pines" or something like that... owell, I just enjoyed the alone time with my love. We went to bed around midnight after a few texts to check on the babes. All seemed to be doing just fine! O Lord did it feel good to sleep in!! We laid in bed a couple hours just talking and falling in and out of sleep. We both took long, uninterrupted showers, Marc made breakfast that we didn't have to scarf down and for the first time in a long time, I drank a steaming hot coffee in its entirety before it got cold!
It was a much needed and appreciated "day off"!!!
Well I'm falling asleep while I type this and the girls just woke up, but we're doing CIO so now I gotta sit and listen and pray they fall back asleep quickly before working themselves up too much.
The girls have been great (minus the sleep of course). They are so alert and active that it makes the groggy days bearable. The smile from ear to ear when they get a glimpse of me and even belly laugh with excitement. I swear they kick their little legs so fast like they are trying to back stroke over to me.
I'm checking my calendar as I write, because I really can't remember whats gone on since their two month appt. For starters, they are now 4 months!!!! They had their 4 month appt this past Friday. Here are their stats:
Lola: 24 1/2 in, 11lbs 3oz, 16in head
Mila: 26in, 14lbs 10oz, 16.75in head
When Ava was 4 months: 25 1/4in, 14lbs, 16.9in head
So really... they are all relatively similar. Of course Lola's weight is still significantly below her sister's, but she is gaining. She's only in the 2nd percentile and I really thought by now the doctor would have intervened, but she said Lola is hovering in the "safe" zone. She is eating and she is steadily gaining, just not a huge push just yet. We've upped the calories in her Formula to 24 so hopefully that will help. She's also not spitting up as much and takes larger bottles.
At her LM follow up with the ENT in Dec he said she looked great and that actually she was improving!!!! Mila also got scoped, but she was fine. She had a very minor case of LM, but not enough that Dr. M thought he should DX her. Mila took the scope like a champ. She didn't even cry. Lola on the other hand threw a fit. Marc made and excellent point. With Mila being so much bigger, her nasal passages looked more spaced out compared to Lola's. Very observant my dear! Ava stayed at my Mom's for this appt. Afterwards we went Christmas shopping and ran some errands. I don't really remember much else except Lola had a weight check and had only gained 1lb in a month... again I thought this was bad news, but she was treading lightly towards the positive side.
We had Christmas in our new place and it was amazing. We went through some really bad times over the summer trying to stay afloat and keep positive thoughts about the risk of premature labor. We spent more money than we should have on the girls and each other, but we looked at it like a celebration that we "made it". We made it through the hardest time of our lives, still loving, happy and as positive as can be. All bad things in life are temporary if you want them to be. We cut down our own tree this year and took Ava with us. There was a ton of snow and Ava loved every minute. Marc and I were cold and exhausted, but the belly laughs coming from Ava were enough to keep us going. Our tree was beyond perfect and so was our First Christmas as a family of 5 :) Damn I have a big family!!!
Marc & I decided to stay in for New Year's. We cooked Steak & Lobster tail for the three of us (Beebs). She loved the steak, not so much the seafood and ate up all the potatoes. The girls slept while we ate. Ava was so excited for dessert until she tasted the cheesecake... it must have been the texture because she spit it out, shoved her plate across the table, hopped out of her booster and screamed "I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!" That girl.... she is something else!
She went to be around 9pm. Marc and I headed down to the "Stroud Haus Basement Bar" and poured a few drinks. We took it pretty easy bc we still had two baby dolls to watch over. The night was going smoothly until 11:30pm and both girl woke up and did not want to go back to sleep. I guess they wanted to be awake for their first new year! After 20mins of trying to get them to go back to sleep we chalked it up as a loss... for the past 9 NYE's we've always toasted champagne at midnight, this night, was just water. We immediately felt guilty Ava wasn't with us so we tip toed into her room with both girls and gave her New Year's smooches while she slept! Finally the girls fell back to sleep and we popped the bubbly. Marc got some "flavored" champagne and it was awful. We didn't even finish it. He got another bottle of the good stuff, but by this time it was so late we called it a night and so it sits, chilling in the mini fridge.
Hubs & I also had our first "child free night" this past weekend. With how exhausted we've been, I thought we deserved a night to rest and relax, just the two of us. My mom watched Beebs & I arranged for the twins to also be split up. My Aunt Mary insisted on taking both, but I assured her I didn't want to do that to her even if she thought she was ready, she watched Mila. Barb is a really good family friend and she has become like family to me. She watched Lola. After the girls 4m appt, I dropped them off at their respective homes for the night and went our house to change. I only told Hubs the night before about the arrangement and to say he was excited was an understatement. We tried to decide what to do.... should we do it big? Dinner, movie, drinks & a late curfew!?!?!? At the last minute... we thought, lets do dinner close to home and play it by ear. We went to a sports bar and sat at the bar. Then the hardest question came up... "what do you want to drink"? Shit... what do we want to drink??? Beer? Wine? hard liquor?!?!? We had the bartender come back two different times, that's annoying as shit, believe me... I know! I decided a Margarita sounded good, so we ordered two... then we remembered why we don't order Margarita's in Ohio... they suck ass. So we finished it, Marc decided on a pop & since they didn't have Dos XX I just went with a Miller Lite draft. Odd, we were no longer in the mood to drink! We went back to our house, immediately put on comfortable clothes and headed to the basement to blare the surround sound while watching a movie. We watched something stupid called "Behind the Pines" or something like that... owell, I just enjoyed the alone time with my love. We went to bed around midnight after a few texts to check on the babes. All seemed to be doing just fine! O Lord did it feel good to sleep in!! We laid in bed a couple hours just talking and falling in and out of sleep. We both took long, uninterrupted showers, Marc made breakfast that we didn't have to scarf down and for the first time in a long time, I drank a steaming hot coffee in its entirety before it got cold!
It was a much needed and appreciated "day off"!!!
Well I'm falling asleep while I type this and the girls just woke up, but we're doing CIO so now I gotta sit and listen and pray they fall back asleep quickly before working themselves up too much.
Sorry! I was busy being a perfect Mom!!!
It's been almost 2 months since my last post. I've just been so busy being the perfect mom & wife that I haven't had time for an update...
Hahahhaha I crack myself up. Perfect is so far from the truth it makes me cry. No really... I'm crying. I'm so unperfect and my parenting skills match it. Everyday I have to make decisions and pick battles that I often question how I got so lucky to become a parent. My life would surely be empty without my husband and children, but sometimes I think... Damn. What was I thinking? We all want it (well most of us anyways)... the doting handsome husband, the adorable kids, the cute family portraits at Christmas, the homemade children's gifts for relatives, a delicious hot dinner in the oven, and so much more... But behind all those smiles and adorable children are real struggles. Struggles so real that you just shut your eyes and pray at random times looking for help, for guidance, for patience. Lord I need patience. In fact I ask everyday for patience... mainly when I'm holding a crying baby. A baby I love more than life itself and I can't figure out what she needs... or wants. There are so many times I just want to lay the girls down and run as fast as I can out the front door. I always tell myself I'll come running or crawling back because we all know I'm completly out of shape... I probably wouldn't even make it out of the 53 foot driveway before my lungs scream WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING IN A DAMN YEAR!!!!
The reason I have some time to finally update is that the girls are all asleep. I'm praying to God its for awhile. But it wasn't easy getting here. In fact, we're still in the beginning stages of our new self titled "go to sleep" training. So this new found peace could very well be temporary.
I'll give life updates in another post, but this is going to be about why I'm updating today.
The girls turned 4 months on the 12th... can you believe it?!?! That is crazy!!! In fact, pretty much a year ago today after some drinks with girlfriends, 2am McDonalds and missing my husband who had been gone a week, our little girls were conceived.
The girls were pretty good sleepers when they first came home. Of course most newborns are, but it stayed consistent. They were on the same schedule bc we would wake to feed the other no matter what. When they started growing we didn't need to. So they started waking at different intervals. I wish I could tell you twin moms to be that it gets easier, but it doesn't. At least not yet, at least not for us. In fact, its at its worse right now. I'm sure someone reading this is saying.. Ashley told me they were fine. I'm sure I did. I'm sure I told you they don't sleep, but I'm sure I told you they were great. Because they are great, but the don't sleep. So if they don't sleep, Marc & I don't sleep... you do the math.
So once they were waking at different intervals, it was like the newborn stage all over again. Thank the Lord he brought Marc into my life. He is the most hands on, supportive, non-complaining husband I could have asked for. We would take turns waking with the girls. I could no longer handle the week nights by myself when we moved the girls to their own rooms at Christmas. Its just too much. So now we suck it up and do it.... last night was the straw that broke the Camel's back and its not even Humpdaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
The girls do not like sleeping their cribs. Their room is cool, dark, we have them swaddled, we have white noise going. They were/are sleeping about 3hour stretches at most, which for a 4 month old is not normal. They should def be going at least 6hours before waking. When they wake at night, we attempt to feed and they take an ounce maybe two.... never a full bottle. Almost the minute we pick them up, they are passed back out. Ok cool, we think and put them back in their crib. Only the minute we lay them down you would think we were laying them on a board of nails. Instant cries of protest. We pick them up. Usually sitting down in the worn out rocker from Ava's baby days. Most times we fall asleep along with them. Who knows for how long. Then we wake up, confused, thankfully we haven't managed to drop the baby from our arms while we passed out. We only managed to put the wrong baby in the wrong crib once. This happened a week or two ago. Both girls were up. Marc went and put "his baby" down. A couple minutes later I take in Mila. Only to see a baby asleep in her crib. What the hell?!? I become so confused that I can't even move. I stand there and stare at the baby in my arms. This is Mila, right? Or do I have Lola? I can't tell... how can I not tell when one baby has a full head of hair and the other is 3lbs heavier???? I probably stand there for two mins... finally I take my baby and walk out into the kitchen. I ease her into the nightlight next to the sink. My suspicion is confirmed. I DO have Mila, not Lola. That means Hubs put the wrong baby in the crib. I walk into our room and whisper his name as to not freak him out. Regardless of my attempt he springs forward in the bed and says... "which one is up?!?!" I tell him none, but that he put Lola in Mila's bed. "What?? No...." Yes, I say.... and he jumps out and follows me in. "you're right" He scoops her up and lays her in the right crib and lay Mila down. We shuffle back to our bed and by this point, we're less graceful and more like drunk zombie plop in. I'm not even sure we made it under the covers...
I'm not even sure what happens after that story, but most likely the girls still wake up at some point and then inevitable happens. We bring them into bed with us. I'm sure some readers think co-sleeping in bed with them is the way to go, not us. We're not a fan of that and prefer to keep the girls in their own beds. All three... there have and always will be minimal exceptions. Like sickness. I can't bare a sick child to sleep alone. Once they are nestled in our arms its like our body plays a never ending lullabye to keep their little eyes shut tight. Usually they'll go close to 5 hours like this. If you were to take an aerial shot of us, I'm sure it can't be comfortable for Marc & I. It doesn't even matter... we are sleeping too. Of course we wake up with numb hands and arms and trying to manuever around a sleeping baby with a tingling limb proves to be a stupid move. The time comes for Hubs to get up and shower for work... he wakes me softly... asking what he should do with "his" baby. Whichever baby is in our possession we call them "ours" which changes frequently. I used to say put her in her crib, but that would last 3mins and she would be awake. I started telling him to slide her next to my baby so they are touching. That lasts 20mins until one head butts the other or grunts and then in unison they awake, MAD. These are all signs the girls are ready for sleep training. Of course sleep training is up to the parents involved and there are no right or wrong ways. We know what goals we have and what we want... no babies in our room, babies asleep in their own beds, babies that don't require rocking or feeding to go to sleep, same goes for our toddler. Total independence when it comes to sleeping. Of course I enjoy rubbing Ava's back until she falls asleep, but its nothing we want to make a habit of.
Back to last night... Ava was in bed by 9p, the girls ate and were down for bed around 10pm. I know this is considered late, but its the schedule they've put themselves in too. We had two baskets of clean laundry in the living room. When the girls were asleep I got ready for bed. Marc was out folding clothes. I told him to leave the clothes and I would get around to doing most of it tomorrow (which is today). He insisted he wanted to help me so he folded up the basket of darks. I took the monitors and went to bed. Shortly after, he came to bed. We talked briefly only to hear Lola wake up. Its sad, but when we heard her crying...I'm sure we both felt the same emotion... frustration Yep, you read right... frustrated that we weren't going to sleep right away. He went in and got her and brought her to the room. The same convo ensued... we just don't get it. They've been in their cribs since Christmas. They are fed, dry, burped and we give gas drops to help and most definitely LOVED. I told him I would take her and he denied my request. He was holding her and she became unswaddled and then my husband... the most calm, caring & understanding man became frustrated. Then I knew. When the peacekeeper of the house is feeling stress... change needs to happen. My fuse is considerably shorter than his. The benefit I have is that I realize it and before I stress myself out I ask for him to relieve me. Of course there are times when he can't and I have to deal... those are the times I stop and ask for patience.
So after he got frustrated I took Lola. It took awhile to calm her down. She was so tired but couldn't sleep. Around 1am I finally put her down, checked on Ava & climbed into my bed. About an hour after she went down she woke back up. I brought her in bed with us. Shortly after, Mila woke up and Marc brought her to bed as well. A few hours later Mila woke again and we fed both babies. Mila fought to go to sleep at first, but then we were all sleeping again until Marc had to shower... I mentioned how that goes already in the above paragraphs.
At their 4m check up on Friday I told the pedi what was going on. She said that it is 100% Behavioral. I couldn't believe it... at 4m?? She said the fact that they won't sleep in their cribs, but will sleep for hours in our arms/bed and they wake and don't eat a full bottle is what tells her they are purely doing this out of wants not needs...
So today I decided to start CIO (cry it out) for their naps. They were just so tired this morning that they needed constant holding. I can't do that. I have two babies and a toddler. Beebs woke up at 8:30a and she didn't get a good breakfast until 10am. She just got little snacks to hold her over that I could get while holding a baby. Just enough to hold her over. How can that be fair to her? I then quickly realized I never even changed her diaper when she woke up. What is wrong with me?? The girls were just fussing and crying and I couldn't take it... I texted Hubs... " I can't do this" He responds that I can and he will be home for lunch to help me. I just sit there and cry. I had to walk away, but Ava of course followed me. I regrouped and said this is it... they need to just go to bed, right now. The girls are horrible nappers, like mini cat naps unless you are holding them. The girls need adequate rest, and I need to do this is for Ava. She gets the short end of the stick all the time. She always wants to play and usually I'm saying... "after I put sissy to sleep", which, lets be honest, entails holding until she falls asleep, put her down, usually in the swing, then its usually time for the other to sleep so I hold her to sleep, same deal... and Ava usually gets about 20mins of mommy time. That's not enough. Not to mention during those 20mins I need to wash bottles or do something else important around the house. Then we play "quietly" so we don't wake up the girls. We usually go back into Ava's room to play loudly, but I'm so afraid one will wake up, cry and wake the other that I'm constantly listening down the hall for a baby. My day is spent responding to baby noises and raising my voice at my toddler. So here is how the day went and is currently going... I expect this to last a few days before they get used to it. I'm sure some of you will say I'm mean and how could I let my babies cry this long... but until you've walked a mile...
10a: girls have been awake almost two hours, they are drowsy. Put them to bed.
10a-12p: no sleeping, just crying. At the beginning I went in at 5, then 10mins to soothe, but that just made it worse.
12:10p: Feed both (hubs came home and took the rest of the day to help me).
12:40p: down for sleep, no swaddle, wouldn't take paci, crying
2:00p: Lola asleep
2:15p: Mila asleep
2:30p: Mila wakes up, her cries wake up Lola
2:40p: 2hour mark--- change clothes, diaper
3:10p: finished bottles, comforted. Babies are smiling, seem happy but very drowsy
3:30p: change diapers again, arms out swaddle
3:40p: put in bed drowsy, but awake. Both fall asleep immediate
4:05p: Mila woke, her cries woke up Lola
4:50p: they are both still crying... its been 30mins since they woke, but their nap was less than 30mins, definitely not enough.
If they are still awake at the 2hour mark, 5:40p, we'll take them out, feed again, play and then hope that we have better luck for an early bed time. I'm not counting on it, but this will be our schedule the next few days until they are sleeping better. By the way... we have a video monitor so I can see them perfectly.
Pray for us!!!
Hahahhaha I crack myself up. Perfect is so far from the truth it makes me cry. No really... I'm crying. I'm so unperfect and my parenting skills match it. Everyday I have to make decisions and pick battles that I often question how I got so lucky to become a parent. My life would surely be empty without my husband and children, but sometimes I think... Damn. What was I thinking? We all want it (well most of us anyways)... the doting handsome husband, the adorable kids, the cute family portraits at Christmas, the homemade children's gifts for relatives, a delicious hot dinner in the oven, and so much more... But behind all those smiles and adorable children are real struggles. Struggles so real that you just shut your eyes and pray at random times looking for help, for guidance, for patience. Lord I need patience. In fact I ask everyday for patience... mainly when I'm holding a crying baby. A baby I love more than life itself and I can't figure out what she needs... or wants. There are so many times I just want to lay the girls down and run as fast as I can out the front door. I always tell myself I'll come running or crawling back because we all know I'm completly out of shape... I probably wouldn't even make it out of the 53 foot driveway before my lungs scream WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!!! YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING IN A DAMN YEAR!!!!
The reason I have some time to finally update is that the girls are all asleep. I'm praying to God its for awhile. But it wasn't easy getting here. In fact, we're still in the beginning stages of our new self titled "go to sleep" training. So this new found peace could very well be temporary.
I'll give life updates in another post, but this is going to be about why I'm updating today.
The girls turned 4 months on the 12th... can you believe it?!?! That is crazy!!! In fact, pretty much a year ago today after some drinks with girlfriends, 2am McDonalds and missing my husband who had been gone a week, our little girls were conceived.
The girls were pretty good sleepers when they first came home. Of course most newborns are, but it stayed consistent. They were on the same schedule bc we would wake to feed the other no matter what. When they started growing we didn't need to. So they started waking at different intervals. I wish I could tell you twin moms to be that it gets easier, but it doesn't. At least not yet, at least not for us. In fact, its at its worse right now. I'm sure someone reading this is saying.. Ashley told me they were fine. I'm sure I did. I'm sure I told you they don't sleep, but I'm sure I told you they were great. Because they are great, but the don't sleep. So if they don't sleep, Marc & I don't sleep... you do the math.
So once they were waking at different intervals, it was like the newborn stage all over again. Thank the Lord he brought Marc into my life. He is the most hands on, supportive, non-complaining husband I could have asked for. We would take turns waking with the girls. I could no longer handle the week nights by myself when we moved the girls to their own rooms at Christmas. Its just too much. So now we suck it up and do it.... last night was the straw that broke the Camel's back and its not even Humpdaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.
The girls do not like sleeping their cribs. Their room is cool, dark, we have them swaddled, we have white noise going. They were/are sleeping about 3hour stretches at most, which for a 4 month old is not normal. They should def be going at least 6hours before waking. When they wake at night, we attempt to feed and they take an ounce maybe two.... never a full bottle. Almost the minute we pick them up, they are passed back out. Ok cool, we think and put them back in their crib. Only the minute we lay them down you would think we were laying them on a board of nails. Instant cries of protest. We pick them up. Usually sitting down in the worn out rocker from Ava's baby days. Most times we fall asleep along with them. Who knows for how long. Then we wake up, confused, thankfully we haven't managed to drop the baby from our arms while we passed out. We only managed to put the wrong baby in the wrong crib once. This happened a week or two ago. Both girls were up. Marc went and put "his baby" down. A couple minutes later I take in Mila. Only to see a baby asleep in her crib. What the hell?!? I become so confused that I can't even move. I stand there and stare at the baby in my arms. This is Mila, right? Or do I have Lola? I can't tell... how can I not tell when one baby has a full head of hair and the other is 3lbs heavier???? I probably stand there for two mins... finally I take my baby and walk out into the kitchen. I ease her into the nightlight next to the sink. My suspicion is confirmed. I DO have Mila, not Lola. That means Hubs put the wrong baby in the crib. I walk into our room and whisper his name as to not freak him out. Regardless of my attempt he springs forward in the bed and says... "which one is up?!?!" I tell him none, but that he put Lola in Mila's bed. "What?? No...." Yes, I say.... and he jumps out and follows me in. "you're right" He scoops her up and lays her in the right crib and lay Mila down. We shuffle back to our bed and by this point, we're less graceful and more like drunk zombie plop in. I'm not even sure we made it under the covers...
I'm not even sure what happens after that story, but most likely the girls still wake up at some point and then inevitable happens. We bring them into bed with us. I'm sure some readers think co-sleeping in bed with them is the way to go, not us. We're not a fan of that and prefer to keep the girls in their own beds. All three... there have and always will be minimal exceptions. Like sickness. I can't bare a sick child to sleep alone. Once they are nestled in our arms its like our body plays a never ending lullabye to keep their little eyes shut tight. Usually they'll go close to 5 hours like this. If you were to take an aerial shot of us, I'm sure it can't be comfortable for Marc & I. It doesn't even matter... we are sleeping too. Of course we wake up with numb hands and arms and trying to manuever around a sleeping baby with a tingling limb proves to be a stupid move. The time comes for Hubs to get up and shower for work... he wakes me softly... asking what he should do with "his" baby. Whichever baby is in our possession we call them "ours" which changes frequently. I used to say put her in her crib, but that would last 3mins and she would be awake. I started telling him to slide her next to my baby so they are touching. That lasts 20mins until one head butts the other or grunts and then in unison they awake, MAD. These are all signs the girls are ready for sleep training. Of course sleep training is up to the parents involved and there are no right or wrong ways. We know what goals we have and what we want... no babies in our room, babies asleep in their own beds, babies that don't require rocking or feeding to go to sleep, same goes for our toddler. Total independence when it comes to sleeping. Of course I enjoy rubbing Ava's back until she falls asleep, but its nothing we want to make a habit of.
Back to last night... Ava was in bed by 9p, the girls ate and were down for bed around 10pm. I know this is considered late, but its the schedule they've put themselves in too. We had two baskets of clean laundry in the living room. When the girls were asleep I got ready for bed. Marc was out folding clothes. I told him to leave the clothes and I would get around to doing most of it tomorrow (which is today). He insisted he wanted to help me so he folded up the basket of darks. I took the monitors and went to bed. Shortly after, he came to bed. We talked briefly only to hear Lola wake up. Its sad, but when we heard her crying...I'm sure we both felt the same emotion... frustration Yep, you read right... frustrated that we weren't going to sleep right away. He went in and got her and brought her to the room. The same convo ensued... we just don't get it. They've been in their cribs since Christmas. They are fed, dry, burped and we give gas drops to help and most definitely LOVED. I told him I would take her and he denied my request. He was holding her and she became unswaddled and then my husband... the most calm, caring & understanding man became frustrated. Then I knew. When the peacekeeper of the house is feeling stress... change needs to happen. My fuse is considerably shorter than his. The benefit I have is that I realize it and before I stress myself out I ask for him to relieve me. Of course there are times when he can't and I have to deal... those are the times I stop and ask for patience.
So after he got frustrated I took Lola. It took awhile to calm her down. She was so tired but couldn't sleep. Around 1am I finally put her down, checked on Ava & climbed into my bed. About an hour after she went down she woke back up. I brought her in bed with us. Shortly after, Mila woke up and Marc brought her to bed as well. A few hours later Mila woke again and we fed both babies. Mila fought to go to sleep at first, but then we were all sleeping again until Marc had to shower... I mentioned how that goes already in the above paragraphs.
At their 4m check up on Friday I told the pedi what was going on. She said that it is 100% Behavioral. I couldn't believe it... at 4m?? She said the fact that they won't sleep in their cribs, but will sleep for hours in our arms/bed and they wake and don't eat a full bottle is what tells her they are purely doing this out of wants not needs...
So today I decided to start CIO (cry it out) for their naps. They were just so tired this morning that they needed constant holding. I can't do that. I have two babies and a toddler. Beebs woke up at 8:30a and she didn't get a good breakfast until 10am. She just got little snacks to hold her over that I could get while holding a baby. Just enough to hold her over. How can that be fair to her? I then quickly realized I never even changed her diaper when she woke up. What is wrong with me?? The girls were just fussing and crying and I couldn't take it... I texted Hubs... " I can't do this" He responds that I can and he will be home for lunch to help me. I just sit there and cry. I had to walk away, but Ava of course followed me. I regrouped and said this is it... they need to just go to bed, right now. The girls are horrible nappers, like mini cat naps unless you are holding them. The girls need adequate rest, and I need to do this is for Ava. She gets the short end of the stick all the time. She always wants to play and usually I'm saying... "after I put sissy to sleep", which, lets be honest, entails holding until she falls asleep, put her down, usually in the swing, then its usually time for the other to sleep so I hold her to sleep, same deal... and Ava usually gets about 20mins of mommy time. That's not enough. Not to mention during those 20mins I need to wash bottles or do something else important around the house. Then we play "quietly" so we don't wake up the girls. We usually go back into Ava's room to play loudly, but I'm so afraid one will wake up, cry and wake the other that I'm constantly listening down the hall for a baby. My day is spent responding to baby noises and raising my voice at my toddler. So here is how the day went and is currently going... I expect this to last a few days before they get used to it. I'm sure some of you will say I'm mean and how could I let my babies cry this long... but until you've walked a mile...
10a: girls have been awake almost two hours, they are drowsy. Put them to bed.
10a-12p: no sleeping, just crying. At the beginning I went in at 5, then 10mins to soothe, but that just made it worse.
12:10p: Feed both (hubs came home and took the rest of the day to help me).
12:40p: down for sleep, no swaddle, wouldn't take paci, crying
2:00p: Lola asleep
2:15p: Mila asleep
2:30p: Mila wakes up, her cries wake up Lola
2:40p: 2hour mark--- change clothes, diaper
3:10p: finished bottles, comforted. Babies are smiling, seem happy but very drowsy
3:30p: change diapers again, arms out swaddle
3:40p: put in bed drowsy, but awake. Both fall asleep immediate
4:05p: Mila woke, her cries woke up Lola
4:50p: they are both still crying... its been 30mins since they woke, but their nap was less than 30mins, definitely not enough.
If they are still awake at the 2hour mark, 5:40p, we'll take them out, feed again, play and then hope that we have better luck for an early bed time. I'm not counting on it, but this will be our schedule the next few days until they are sleeping better. By the way... we have a video monitor so I can see them perfectly.
Pray for us!!!
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