So here I am... 11:30pm Friday night, in the guest room, rubbing my legs together. I switched out my razor blade today on my Schick Quatro and my legs are ridiculously silkly, soft and feel "cool". So I'm over here being all weird rubbing my shins against one another. wth is wrong with me?
Anyways, I am alone! I should be happy, but the guilt is setting in. Its Friday so that means tonight and tomorrow night is Hubs Baby Duty Time. I'm sure once I power down the laptop and turn off the table lamp I'll pass out till morning like last time, but I can't help but feel I should be in there with him. They are relatively easy at night.. its just a long process. I know I shouldn't feel bad and should just embrace the fact that I have a very hands on Hubs who will do what he can (even if I'm too tired to realize it) to make my life a little easier.
Even though we have Baby #2 & #3 Syndrome going on over here I still get the nervous thoughts about what if something happens to them while they sleep?! They still sleep in their rock n plays so they are elevated, snug and cozy, but I feel like a mother's intuition never sleeps. I wake up to the tiniest squeals and non normal noises that the average person probably wouldn't hear. Not to mention I'm deaf in my left ear, yet I still manage to hear the quietest of the quiet. Of course Hubs is pretty on point, but his reaction time is usually a few seconds behind my stealthness. It brings me to a memory I have of Ava... I can't remember how old she was, but she was in her own room so she was at least 12 weeks old. Her room was on the 2nd floor and ours was on the 1st floor of a 2,800 square foot home. It literally took 61 walking steps to get to her room.
Hubs & I were asleep when I heard the alarm... it took me a half second to realize it wasn't the secuirty alarm for the home, but actually her Angel Care Monitor. I took off for her room in a dead sprint. Leaping up the steps, probably skipping 3 at a time. I get into her room and she was fine. We'll never know if she stopped breathing or if she was just sleeping so deep/soundly that the monitor couldn't pick up her movements. The adrenaline had my blood pumping, so I hung out in her room for a few to make sure she was ok. Although I hated that the alarm went off, I was glad it was doing its job. Hubs was in the room shortly after me. I told him she was fine and he went back downstairs. The next morning he said when he heard the alarm he sat up and said "don't worry- I'll go check on Ava" and when he looked towards my direction in the bed I was gone and he could hear horses running up the steps... I let him know, if that alarm EVER goes off again. Don't say a word, just get your ass to that room as soon as possible. Luckily we only had one more "false alarm" after that.
So here I am... my eyes are getting so heavy that this may be my shortest post yet. I know I'm tired and I need to get my ass on the pillow and shut it down. Yet I feel like I should do something. Like take out all of Ava's 18-24m clothes from her drawers and put them in the storage bins and just make sure she has 2T+ in there. This is what I think of at 11:40p at night. I'm thinking of things that need to be organized or maybe I should check on Ava again or put my ear up to the bedroom door where Hubs and Tweebs are sleeping. Ok, maybe not. They will be fine!
Btw... I finally got my milk duct unclogged. That was so painful. Its like a little hard knot in your boob. I massaged it all day even though it brough tears to my eyes. I'm not sure how it really unclogs but I used hot compresses twice and massaged extra forceful when I pumped. I haven't nused that often, but today I had Lola latch onto that side. Since she's pretty aggresive I thought it would help. Shortly after it was significantly smaller and then after my next pump sesh it was completely gone! Amen!!!!!
at 4weeks old... the girls have already had two over night stays at different places and a trip to babies r us. I've loaded them in and out myself with Ava in tow and its not easy, but I think I got the hang of it. My brother and his adorable family of 5 will be in town tomorrow and we're all heading to the Pumpking Patch on Sunday, I can't wait! I do have some good twin stories, just not enough energy to facilitate them into print. Owell... maybe later this weekend, or tomorrow night.
Its 11:45pm, I can't stay up a minute longer... goodnight!
xo
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