half the time...
Life has been amazing, but beyond hectic. Actually as I write this I have my feet propped up on the ottoman, Ava is on my shins bouncing up and down yelling "horsey horsey horsey". The girls are in their rock n plays in front of dad, he's folding laundry and we're watching Monday Night Football.
We are finally in our own place! Staying at my mom's was a major blessing and I can't thank them enough for all they did for us this summer and the few weeks of the twins brand new life. Its just so nice to be somewhere with your own little family surrounded by your own little things you've collected over the years. We're just a renting an adorable little house until we decide where we want to end up and whether we build or buy. And when I say adorable, I mean tiny lol. I love our landlord MG, she is really nice. They put brand new carpet through out, finished the basement, painted, added new touches, raised the basement ceiling, etc. I'm not a huge fan of the kitchen floor or countertops, but hey, its only temporary. Although we do have the option to buy after our lease is up.
I'm in full time stay at home Mommy mode. I wish I could say it is going so fabulously and everything is amazing all day every day, but reality is that its a struggle. Every day I seem to have a moment where I question myself... myself as a mother and a wife. I feel like there just isn't enough of me to go around for everyone. On top of that trying to figure out how to fit everything into this new house. I know... woe is me, the woman that had a huge fabulous house in Austin, trying to fit it all in a house about 1/2 the size. Plus we didn't sell that much before we came so we packed it all up and its been in storage for 6 months. Even though we organized it well, there is no easy way to unpack stuff you haven't seen in half a year. It can be overwhelming.
The house is coming along nicely. I still can't remember where I put half the stuff we have. There are only so many places so it shouldn't be difficult, but every day I generally stand in the kitchen like a deer in headlights looking for something simple like a soup bowl. My newest challenge was finding my prepregnancy jeans. I've been rocking the maternity jeans up until this past Friday. I LOVED them. They are beyond comfortable, but now that my belly is back to normal (almost) the panel wouldn't stay up. Friday we were at Hubs office, showing his co workers the babies. I was pushing the double stroller and he was carrying Ava. EVERY TIME I walked I could feel my pants sliding down. At one point I thought they were hanging down past my butt. I kept walking sideways with my butt to the wall so I could yank them up. His office was huge and I'm sure some women noticed (you know how you women are). I was pretty embarassed. I kept feeling like they were below my butt so I shoved my hand down the back only to realize that it was my underwear that were falling off my ass. Since my pants were sliding, so were my undies. At this point I'm walking sideways with my butt to the wall and one hand down my pants pulling my underwear up which basically gave me a painful front wedgie. I just chalked it up as a loss and kept my hand in my back pocket like I was cool. Who walks, pushing a double stroller with one hand and the other in their back pocket? As if pushing the double stroller is easy and only weighs a pound. By the time we were leaving I just couldn't do it anymore so I booked it for the lobby area. The faster I walked the more they slouched. I almost ran up hubs heels trying to get past him. Everyone would have seen me and human instinct is to look at people's butts... especially a guys wife you work with, heck I do it to everyone. As soon as we get out into the open lobby surrounded by no one I looked at my butts reflection... my pants had fallen down enough to look like I had a huge piece of shit stuck in my underwear weighing my pants down... kind of like a kid who goes in the pool with regular diaper on. Awesome. I feel like I need a do over on the office visit.
Hubs walked us out, we kissed and the girls and I went on our way. Of course they slept soundly the whole time at lunch with Hubs and then at his office. Its almost as if they can sense the comforts of our new house and decide... I'm hungry as heck and I'm going to go berzerk until mommy does something about it. Our garage still has some boxes in it so I had to park in the drive way. Insert dilemma #1... how do you get a sleeping toddler out of the middle seat and carry in two newborn carseats and a diaper bag in one trip? You don't... unless you are Ursula from the little mermaid. I left the diaper bag and got all the girls inside- including a half asleep Beebs. Plus it was pretty damn could out and my pants were half way down my butt again. This time I just plopped the girls in their rock n plays, changed Ava's diaper, left her pants off and laid her down for her nap. I ran to the screeching owls that were coversating in the living room. I had their bottles ready. I sat on the floor inbetween them and fed them... gangbuster style. My right arm was the first to start quivering... odd considering that is my dominant limb. Lola has to burp a lot so I would pull the bottles out set them next to the girls, swoop Lola on my right shoulder, lean to the left and burp her over the right shoulder with my right hand while I continued to feel Mila with my left. I just kept praying... "please don't decide to get all over achiever on me and try to roll off my shoulder, PLEASE". I did this about 5 times during the course of the feeding. I don't need to burp Mila until the end so its almost like its a blessing in disguise. Afterwards they just laid there... staring at me in amazement. When they look so satisified with the milk I try to remember what I ate that might be in there. So far, I'll probably never be able to keep track. I started to pick up the house... car seats, blankets, coats, misc rainsins on the floor and a random panty liner stuck to the carpet.
The girls decided they needed more attention. Mila is a little more high maintenanced, she LOVES to be held 24/7. Lola can take it or leave it. I was burping Lola a few more times (the reason why in my next post) and Mila wasn't happy. So I eventually I had to just hold them both. I do this a lot, but its really tiresome. Having 20+lbs of wet noodles supported by weak wrists and eventually I'll have a disastrous story to write about(I'm kidding- just pray I don't!). There is something magical about holding two babies at once. You can't do anything but just lay there and relax, which is exactly what I needed. I finally snuggled onto the couch with them... Mila's back against my belly and Lolas back against Mila's belly. Surprisingly we all fit on the couch comfortably and fell asleep for 45mins that way.
Its moments like those that nigate the times of tears. I think I cry almost once a day... its mainly when they both decide they need something at the same time and Ava is awake. That's when I tell myself I'm a horrible mom. I can tell Mila will be the child that will decide to hold her breath if you tell her no until she almost passes out. When I'm feeding Lola its like she gets a little seperation anxiety, especially if she can see us. Usually I have to move her so she can't, I'm pretty certain she stares at us while she cries thinking we're leaving her out... either that, or she's just that attached to her sister already.
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