Saturday, August 3, 2013

I think I hit my breaking point...

30w 3d!!

Well, at least that's how I felt last night/this morning, but before I go in to details I'll recap Wednesday's 30w appt!

Hubs took me to the appt and we didn't have to wait long. It's become quite the mundane routine, but its a good thing. He always drops me off up front and the Valet guys always come running to take the car just to have him wave them off. Once I get out I go sit in a wheelchair and wait for Hubs to park the car and meet me inside. There is always the cutest white haired old man that greets us when we come in. I must admit I always feel good on appointment days. I make sure I'm all showered up, hair clean, make up and a cute outfit... which is coming harder to come by as this belly takes up more land mass! I generally opt for a cute Maxi dress. Those are the most forgiving of any outfit and I'll be able to wear them post partum.

Anyways. The Receptionist for Radiology (where we check in) knows me now. Before I even get wheeled up to her desk she has my paperwork pulled and everything updated in the system so I don't have to wait for a billing clerk station to open up. I guess weekly appts sure has its perks! We got called back for the u/s rather quickly. It was a longer one bc they had to do full measurements on the babies, which are my favorite! As always they were moving around so much and so full of energy! I love my little girls! We also had another Biophysical Profile to do. The Tech was going to do that last, but she said they clearly have their act together and passed immediately and each scored another 8/8! Good job ladies! Their measurements were also great!! Baby A's heartbeat was 154, she measured 31w 3d and estimated weight of 3lbs 9oz!! Baby B's heartbeat was 158, she measured 31w 2d and her estimated weight was also 3lbs 9oz!! That's a great weight for this gestation!!! The only scary thing is that Baby A's head measured in the 97th percentile.... YIKES. At least she'll pave the way for her sister lol! It was another really good scan, they looked great- all their organs, fluid, movements, etc. They are both still head down- thank goodness!!! Although their heads are literally right next to each other. Baby A is still presenting first, but it looks like Baby B might fight her for that position come delivery!

We went upstairs for the OB appt. It was pretty uneventful once again. I'm now 209lbs, the same weight I was when I had Ava!!! Although, I'm 9w shy of where I was when she was born lol. There wasn't really much to talk about during the appt. My due date is 10weeks away, but Dr. M said that he would prefer we evict these babies around 36-37w (sept 11/sept 18) if we can. He was convinced I would of had these babies 2 weeks ago so he's happy, we're happy! We're still on track for a Vag delivery and I hope that doesn't change. I really don't want a c-section, but if their health and mine is at stake then we'll do it. I go again next Weds (31w) and then after that twice a week! We left and got lunch and I took a 3 hour nap. Even though the appt was great, its bittersweet in a way. I've been on pins and needles for SO LONG (11weeks to be exact) and now its kinda like... Ok. Nothing. But that's a good nothing!
I woke up Thurs with a horrible sore throat and fast forward to today (saturday) and it's still hanging tough. Along with a stuffy/runny nose, cough and mild fever. So last night... I haven't been sleeping well. I'll blame my big blimp belly and just stresses for that. I'm not one to normally hold on to a lot of stress so this is all new to me. We just have a lot on our plates right now. So even though we are 10w out (or really 7w out I guess you could say) its really starting to hit me... The labor, the delivery, the recovery, the NICU time, stuff we still need for the babies, etc... All on top of keeping Ava on track and keeping a healthy relationship with my Hubs. I must admit, through this all Marc and I have adjusted well... we have our tense moments, but over all things have stayed pretty normal between us.

I was reading book III of Fifty Shades of Grey... I'll blame Book I & Book II for getting us in this position in the first place!!! I didn't fall asleep until 12am. I remember feeling contractions off and on while I slept. Finally around 2am I decided to time them. They were coming frequent enough that I took notice and strong enough to feel while sleeping... Well from 2am to 5am I averaged 6 contractions an hour. You're generally supposed to go into L&D when you have 4 or more an hour... but since I have a "irritable uterus" my baseline is a little higher than most. So I wasn't convinced I needed to go right away. I felt hot flashes and cold shivers off and on... I took my temp at 4am and had a low grade fever. That's when I started to worry... I had a fever when I delivered Ava so I was convinced this might be the start of Labor. At one point, Hubs woke up and put his hand on my belly and asked if I needed anything... I told him what was going on and that we might have to go in depending on what the doc says, THEN, just to see if he was really awake or not I added in "but can you get me some water please?" He said... "ok, let me know if you need anything, love you" and went right back to sleep. UGH! lol, I can't be mad though, at least he tried!

I called the on call line at 4:50am and told Dr. K what was going on. Initially he told me to go in, but then he asked when my next round of Procardia was due... I told I needed to take in 10mins. He told me to up my fluids, take the Med and if it stays consistent in the next 30mins I needed to go in. I had one contraction as soon as I took it and then the next one was 20mins later and then 20mins after that... thank goodness they let up. So I fell asleep about 6am & for some dumb reason I woke up for the day at 9am. Still feeling like crap I just felt so emotional. I know keeping these babies in is whats best for them, but I don't know if I can through another night like that. Between peeing every 30mins, taking my temp every 20mins, lighting up my iphone to record the contractions and just not being comfortable I felt defeated... My body is trying to do something... I kinda wish it would just shit or get off the pot. Of course now at 7pm I'm better... but when I woke up this morning, that's how I felt. 6-7more weeks... I can do this! I've already put in 11weeks... its crazy that the closer I get the harder it is. I'll be on the Procardia until I am 33w... my biggest fear is that my body will throw a keg part and shove these babies out the door. I feel like its the only thing keeping them in- along with prayers of course! I just don't feel well and I'm beyond emotional. I can't keep myself together! Not to mention Ava has been a little extra diva-ish lately and I can't do anything about it from the couch... So I have to watch others take care of her and snap her out of her funk. I'm being tested and I know everything will work out, its just been a rough few days.

I started contracting again before I started typing this... I had 4 in 30mins so I texted my cousin AG for her advice (she is ALWAYS there when I need her!!! xox) She recommended I go in, she called me and we talked about everything. I'm going to wait until after I eat and up my fluids and see if that helps. It does worry me that I contract so much when lying on my side bc that is always the #1 thing health professionals tell you to do... so we'll see. On Weds if you would have asked me when I honestly thought they would be here, I would have said September... if you ask me today... I'd say I hope I'd make to tomorrow morning. I know if they were born today its a more positive outlook than 2 weeks ago but I'm still so worried for them. I also start to worry for myself a little. With the complications I had after Ava I can't help but wonder if they will resurface and be worse this time around. At least the docs all know and are aware so they will be prepared...

Sorry for the Debbie Downers moments... I guess even the most optimistic people have relapses.

xoxo

Taking an illegal pic at my 30w appt! Look at the belly... WHOA! 

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